Life with Kids

With the lazy days of summer falling away behind us, it comes time to turn our attention back to the regular routines and structure of school days.  One of the first things to go when the days grow longer is the usual bedtime.  This doesn’t have to be a problem over the summer, but it can present a problem come September.  Even if your routine has not varied much over the summer, because you’re still working and your kids are still going to day care, now may be the time to ask yourself if your evening routines are running as smoothly as they could.

We live in a chronically sleep-deprived culture, where saying, “I’m sooo tired” is considered normal, unavoidable, and practically required.  And this often carries over into our children’s bedtimes, so that their routine is more of a loose suggestion rather than something they can all count on.

We don’t need to allow the clock to run our lives, but in order for our kids to develop to their full potential and be able to function at their full potential every day, we need to make sleep a priority.  Even if you can’t get your kids into bed as early as you’d like, it’s important to not keep them up later than you need to, simply because of a lack of routine.

Start by discussing with your kids what your bedtime routine needs to include.  Story, teeth brushing, bath, getting changed, songs and/or prayers, special time with Mom and Dad... get it all down on paper.  Think about how much time you might reasonably need to get all those things done.  You can go through old magazines or the internet to find pictures that demonstrate those activities, and put them, in order, on a board.  Now you’ve got your bedtime routine chart. 

Use it to refer to as you all go through the process of getting ready: “Ok, we’ve had a bath; now what’s next on our list?”, “After we brush our teeth, what does our chart say we do next?”, for example.  Including the children in the act of deciding what happens and in what order can really go a long way to getting their buy-in.

What happens if it doesn’t work so smoothly?  Well, we need to remind ourselves that as parents, we can’t control what our kids do, only what we do.  So if the kids are goofing off and trying to delay the whole process, point out that you will be available to help with changing into pj’s for the next two minutes, and that anyone who chooses not to get changed in that time will have to go to bed in their clothes.  This may not seem like such a big deal, but the point is not to force our children into doing what we want them to do through negative consequences or punishment – it’s to allow them to make choices in the small ways that they can and to keep ourselves from becoming so involved that the whole event become one big power struggle. 

Once the time for getting changed has passed, then we can announce how many minutes remain until we begin reading the story (or whatever else is on the list), and that anyone who is not ready will be able to join in the story when they are able to.  Then, at whatever time makes sense for you, you begin reading the story, even if no one is there to listen.  They can join you when they’re ready, but once you’ve started, don’t go back to the beginning to accommodate late-comers.  After the story is read, it’s hugs and kisses, then lights out.  If one of the kids has missed a step along the way, he or she can deal with the consequences that come with that choice, such as missing part of the story, sleeping in clothing instead of pj’s, or no sugar the next day because teeth weren’t brushed. 

This routine may or may not work immediately, but it’s important to keep at it in order for your children to start to internalize the routine itself.  Include them in the planning process, including what happens when a step is missed, and ask for their input if the routine doesn’t seem to be gelling with everyone.  The two keys here are deciding what you will do (instead of what you are trying to make them do) and being consistent in following through, and before long you’ll have the makings of stress-free nights and sweet dreams.